I Lost Myself Again.

by Forever Losing Sleep

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credits

released 14 October 2014

Recorded / Produced / Mixed by Steve Aliperta, Chris LaRocque, and Peter DeBarros at Kennedy Studios in North Billerica, MA

Mastered by Jackie Smiley at The Lodge in New York, NY

tags

tags: rock alternative ambient emo indie indie rock post-hardcore post-rock screamo New Jersey

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Forever Losing Sleep New Jersey

Band from New Jersey

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Track Name: Esprit D' Escalier
I remember feeling young
But broken just how you intended
A Perfect image gone bad
I never had a chance to break away from feeling fragile
I thought that I wasn't scared to be alone
But I was wrong, I'm always wrong

You should have let me die that night on the couch
And you should have let me rot in a stomach
But instead you gave me hope
Just so you could take it all away

Where were you that night
That a daughter lost her innocence against her will
Because I expected you to show your face
But you never came and you never will
Is this what you had planned all along
Because I'd probably be a better man if I had stayed away
But now I know better than to believe in something I can't see

You should have let me die that night on the couch
And you should have let me rot in a stomach
But instead you gave me hope
Just so you could take it all away
Track Name: Twitch
I know I've been vacant afraid to feel a thing
Afraid if I do it will leave me again
These sunken in eyes no longer see the good in anything anymore
What have I become

I used to believe in something more
I used to feel the need to love
What have I become
Now I look for you in everything I see
And I'm still searching for the warmth I used to feel inside of me

I couldn't save you
I couldn't bare to take the news
How could I walk away
When you were all I ever knew

If your heavens real I hope that you are looking down at me
Knowing I spent mine with you
And I have tried to fight the urge to join you
But I still feel the void
I still feel the ache
I'm still incomplete
I want to feel the need to love
I want to turn it all around
I want to find myself
And I need you to know that I'm learning to accept the things that I can't change

I lost myself again
And I found myself wishing for the things I never said
I never meant to leave you behind
Track Name: Trophied
A failure, I was born in your eyes
Your greatest mistake
And I am what's wrong with everything
And I am what's wrong with me
I am nothing, I am no one, I am yours

I'll just pretend that I can be fixed
Because somethings are meant to be broken
And I am one of them
A silhouette of what was never meant
So stay away it would be best to keep your distance
I have come to terms that there is nothing more than this
And every empty word I sent your way was meaningless
Track Name: Widows
This isn't what I wanted
I didn't ask for this
We didn't ask for this
But I guess that's life
Nothing ever goes our way
And I'm starting to learn that nothing good ever seems to last

I haven't seen those blue eyes shine in a long time
In a long time
So I stood back and watched you fall apart on the inside
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I let you down
I let you down when you needed me the most
I should have known that pushing you away
Wouldn't heal these broken bones
Track Name: I Lost Myself Again
I heard you scream from the other side of the house
I still can feel you shaking in my thoughts
And now you're broken
But I am broken too
I miss the days when we were young and you would shine

I know that I have tried to be a better man

There is nothing pure running through these veins anymore
There in nothing pure running through these veins anymore

Who am I
I thought the thoughts in my head would clarify
All the reasons why I can't always say the things I need to say to you
So I ran away just like I always do

I remember the day that I gave up
I lost myself, I lost myself again
Because I've lived and died watching the wither in your eyes
In your eyes

And I don't think I've ever loved anything more
Than the thought of growing old and loved
But the thought of waking up with nothing left and everything you know and love is gone
It scares me to think that I am young
And I've had to watch you break
So I learned how to ache like it was the only thing that I would ever know

Now all that I have left is this lump in my throat and the bags under my eyes
And now I know what giving up really feels like

There is nothing pure running through these veins anymore
Track Name: Havre De Grace
I asked to be left alone
Well I got what I asked for and more
And the worst part is I wouldn't have it any other way
There's no saving me anymore

You taught me how to love again
But made sure I'd remember why I always kept my distance
I thought that you would save me
But you couldn't stay

And now I'm on my own
And now I'm on my own, and every day feels empty without you
And now I know I'm nothing without you
(I tried my best to find content but I'm drowning in the words I never said)
I'm screaming I wish you the best from this God damn hole

So where will you go now that you're alone
Where will you go?

Because I did this to myself a hundred times before
Now I don't want to feel anything anymore
And maybe it's all my fault that everything I love always falls apart
Maybe I deserve this
Maybe I deserve this
Track Name: Take
Take, take what you want
Take what you need from me because I have nothing left to give
Take, just take it all away
Because I don't want to feel responsible for something I can't control

What's the point in waking up
When there is nothing left that I love and nothing is enough
So take what you want from me because I have nothing left to give
I swear to you I'm giving in
I've got a lack of will to live

And who's to blame
Because lately I've been feeling like it's been misplaced
So who's to blame
Because I've been spending all my days looking for an exit
An escape to all of this

I'm tired, and I'm worn out
I've lost all the faith that I have in myself

This is the last time I'll pick myself up off the floor
I am shaking, I am shaking I have never felt this cold
Now I'm standing on my feet
But I have glass between my knees and they will shatter with the wind that blows from every empty word you speak
So I will fall apart and these wounds will never mend
Because even time can't heal the emptiness I feel inside my chest
And today I felt something die inside of me
But I'm still here and I'm still breathing
Track Name: Miracle
I used to feel so young
I used to feel like someone who was capable of love
Before knowing better
And I still hear you in the other room letting it all out
What was I to do
Wishing to hold you up but being too weak
I was just a child falling short of who my father would have wanted me to be

It was over before it all began
I ran away from you, I ran away

I wasn't strong enough to carry you
So I learned to ache enough for the both of us
The both of us